Saigon Kick: The Lizard

thelizardThis marks the second time I’ve tried to like this album. The first time was in college, pre-blog, when I had a girlfriend who really liked it. Now I’m trying because Dig Me Out is reviewing it, so I wanted to make extra sure that, yep, this is really a pile of atrocious crap that, containing 16 execrable tracks, and seems much, much longer than its 53 minutes.

A sophomore album released in 1992, these guys couldn’t figure out if they wanted to be a glam band like Extreme or ride the grunge wave. The result just sounds opportunistic while at the same time indecisive; formulaic and poorly-executed. It’s like every possible choice they could have made was the wrong one. I mean, if you’re going to be this stupid and glossy, then at least be fun. If I’m going to listen to music this bubble gum, I want to hear about boning babes with big tits, not odes to commitment and paper-thin pseudo socially-conscious nonsense.

And the 16 tracks just seem like the same four-song cycle four times. It’s like each four-song chunk has to have one ballad (that sounds the same as the other three), one fast, somewhat punky song that they can use to boost their rock bona fides, one socially conscious bit with what passed for experimental guitar in 1992, and then just pick from those three categories for the fourth song.

No, I can find absolutely nothing redeeming about this album. Sure, there are even a few tracks that don’t bother me, but there isn’t anything at all that’s good. The closest they get is “Body Bags,” but then that’s just a complete rip off from Skid Row’s Slave To The Grind. The world is a worse place for the existence of this record.

Rating:
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Meh: “All Alright,” “Sleep,” “Miss Jones”
Dislike: “Hostile Youth,” “God Of 42nd Street,” “Peppermint Tribe,” “The Lizard,” “Body Bags,” “World Goes Round,” “Chanel”
Hate:
“Cruelty,” “Feel The Same Way,” “Freedom,” “My Dog,” “Love Is On The Way,” “All I Want”
Song Notes: After the jump

  1. Cruelty – a crappy Jane’s Addition ripoff. Kind of similar to I Mother Earth. Can you hate stupid? I hate that this instrumental mood-setter is a mood setter for the crap to come.
  2. Hostile Youth – stupid, slow, boring with whiny vocals.
  3. Feel The Same Way – annoying
  4. Freedom – Socially conscious in a clunky way. The talking part is what takes this from Dislike to Hate.
  5. God Of 42nd Street – dumb lyrics
  6. My Dog – holy crap this comes out of nowhere with this agonizing/agonized style of vocals that is incredibly hard to listen to and i don’t care that your dog died, spesh when you write a song like this about it
  7. Peppermint Tribe –
  8. Love Is On The Way – cheesy cymbal splashes
  9. The Lizard – two redeeming qualities: the video and the line “Lick your friends till the start to quiver”
  10. All Alright – gets ‘meh’ mostly because it’s so damned boring
  11. Sleep – you put a short, instrumental, sleepy song called “Sleep” as track 11 and it’s not the last or second to last song on the album? How can there be five more tracks after this?
  12. All I Want – god these lyrics are the worst. They literally make me want to vomit. Has a good start.
  13. Body Bags – So here they go grungy fast and it would be pretty good if it weren’t a blatant fucking rip off of Skid Row’s Slave To The Grind, which came out one year prior.
  14. Miss Jones –
  15. World Goes Round –
  16. Chanel – With its silly vibe, God I hope this was a bonus track
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