Throneberry: Squinting Before The Dazzle

Make it stop. Make it go away. Bury this in a deep, dark place, and don’t let anybody find it ever. Alternately boring and annoying, Throneberry is a terrible amalgamation of brit pop, bluesy hair metal (think Cinderella or Aerosmith), and whatever genre hacky radio-friendly alt-country crap like Third Eye Blind is.

“Stolen” is the highlight of the record, a song I can legitimately enjoy and, if it weren’t completely surrounded by tripe, might engender some positive feelings in me. The four open hearts are either harmless or mix in a good riff with some annoyingly hackneyed tripe. And then there are the six broken hearts. God, this is awful.

Rating:
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– “Stolen”
– “Squint Before The Dazzle,” “Let’s Hear It For Decay,” “Shut Up,” “See Me Off”
– “Summerschool,” “Guerilla Skies,” “Shepherd Song,” “Down At The Foundry,” “Isn’t It A Pity,” “Quinnipiac”
Song Notes: After the jump

  1. Squint Before The Dazzle – A Timbuk3 name drop. Wow. Barely stays in at the open level.
  2. Summerschool – Got that whine. “It’s got an island of the misfit toys appeal.” Almost open, but sucks. Seriously, it’s just about summer school.
  3. Let’s Hear It For Decay – I hear some Enuff Z’nuff. It also reeks of bad alt country rock a la Third Eye Blind.
  4. Guerilla Skies – Bad attempt at Beatles.
  5. Shepherd Song – Xbox Music has it as “Shephard”. allmusic has it as “Shepherd.” Some distortion on the guitar that I don’t think is intentional.
  6. Stolen – Okay, this is legitimately pretty good.
  7. Down At The Foundry – awfully boring.
  8. Shut Up – what’s that line? “Is this a move for titty”. (think it’s “pity”.) So here they’re trying to do like a faux country rock thing like Third Eye Blind or something.
  9. Isn’t It A Pity – “Iiiiinnnappropriate jokes”
  10. Quinnipiac – boring again
  11. See Me Off –
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